DoBook your officiant before the venue photo makes it to Instagram.
Your date is only real once the person legally marrying you is confirmed. Officiants book out faster than florists, and peak Saturdays in Maryland and DC go early.
Advice for couples
Wedding dos and don'ts
Twenty years of designing experiences that hold an audience, plus every ceremony I have ever led, distilled into what actually works and what quietly goes wrong. This is ceremony advice, not wedding planning advice — the day stays yours to plan. But if it touches the ceremony or the marriage license, it is here.
Planning the ceremony
Start hereDon'tWrite the ceremony last.
The ceremony is the first thing your guests experience and the thing they actually remember. If you plan it after the menu, it will sound like it.
DoRead your ceremony out loud before you approve it.
Words that look fine on paper can be a mouthful spoken. If you stumble reading it, I will too — and a quick read catches every line worth cutting.
Don'tHand your officiant a PDF of someone else's ceremony and say 'this, but our names.'
I can absolutely use a ceremony you love as inspiration — tell me what part moved you. But a ceremony borrowed whole never sounds like you, and your family can tell.
DoShare your must-read poems, readings or blessings early.
A reading picked the week before the wedding is usually too long, too inside-joke, or both. Send me your shortlist and I will help you choose the one that fits the room.
Vows and rituals
The heart of itDoWrite your own vows, even short ones.
Three honest sentences beat three borrowed paragraphs. 'I choose you on the ordinary Tuesdays' will get more tears than anything lifted from Pinterest.
Don'tSurprise your partner with vows that are actually stand-up material.
A joke or two is welcome — a roast is not. Your partner is standing there unable to respond, in front of your grandmother. Say the kind thing; save the bit for the toast.
DoPick rituals that mean something to you and ask what they involve.
Handfasting, jumping the broom, a wine box, a lazo, breaking the glass — all of it works beautifully when it belongs to you. Ask where it sits in the ceremony and what it needs around it to land.
Don'tStack five rituals into twenty minutes.
Every ritual needs room to breathe. Two done well move a room; five done quickly feel like a checklist. I will tell you honestly where the line is.
DoPractice the big physical moments in rehearsal.
Ring warming, unity candles, involving your dog in the processional — the idea is never what goes wrong, the logistics are. Ten minutes of rehearsal saves the moment.
The legal part
Make it invisibleDoGet your marriage license on time — and tell me the county.
In Maryland you apply in the county where the ceremony happens (DC has its own rules), there is a short waiting period, and the license has an expiration date. I walk every couple through this; tell me the county early and it stays invisible on the day.
Don'tLeave the license in your overnight bag at the hotel.
Yes, this nearly happens somewhere every weekend. I confirm the license with you before the day, so nothing gets left behind.
DoTell me if a parent is signing as a witness or if you want the license signed off-stage.
The signing can be a sweet moment with family gathered around, or a quiet task done while the music plays. Both are fine — choose on purpose.
Family, guests and the room
People stuffDoTell me the family dynamics before I write a word.
Divorced parents, estranged siblings, a loved one who passed — I can honor, acknowledge or gracefully skip all of it, but only if I know. What I don't know can't be handled.
Don'tLet a family member veto who is in the ceremony and not tell me.
If someone new is doing a reading or your mother is joining the blessing, I need to know before rehearsal — not as she is walking up. Surprises on a microphone rarely stay sweet.
DoKeep the ceremony under about thirty minutes.
Standing guests, young children and hot outdoor ceremonies all have a timer. Twenty to twenty-five focused minutes feels generous; forty feels like a wait.
Don'tSkip the microphone for a large or outdoor wedding because 'the room is small.'
Wind, traffic and a chatty crowd eat voices. If your grandparents are the reason you wanted the ceremony at all, make sure they can hear it.
The day itself
Last detailsDoEat something and drink water before the ceremony.
You have a hundred people looking at you for twenty minutes. Fainting is a real genre of wedding story. Breakfast is ceremony insurance.
Don'tStart the processional while the sun is directly in your guests' eyes or in the last ten minutes of golden hour.
Tell your photographer and me your ceremony time and we will both be honest with you about light. The photos and the sunset vow both deserve a fair shot.
DoAssign one person to handle the rings.
The best man is a fine choice, but so is a designated calm friend with a pocket. Rings delayed by ten minutes are the most common hiccup in any ceremony — it costs nothing to prevent.
Don'tWorry about crying.
Everyone loves the crier. Pause, breathe, take the hand being offered. I build natural pauses into the script so a moment never has to be rushed.
Have a "don't" you're hoping is actually a do?
Tell me the idea. I will tell you honestly where it sits in the ceremony and what it needs to land.
Tell me about your dayAll couples are welcomed, respected and celebrated here.